Happy Christmas

As you know I love the Beatles. But they don't have a Christmas song that I'm totally in LOVE with. But John Lennon does. It's called Happy Christmas (The war is over). I know the song is Christmas song protesting the Vietnam War. I don't know if I said this before: just because I LOVE the Beatles, it does not mean I support their political views. This song I love because of a couple different reasons. 

So this is Xmas
And what have you done
Another year over
And a new one just begun
And so this is Xmas
I hope you have fun
The near and the dear one
The old and the young

A very Merry Xmas
And a happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without any fear

I like these lyrics cause he's(John Lennon) is asking you to review your year. What have you done with your year. In my year, I have found the help I need to battle this disease. I love the part "A very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Let's hope it's a good one without any fear" I'm going into 2014 without any fear in my life. I know God will take care of me. I know he will handle my disease. 

War is over, if you want it
War is over now

Like I said I know this song is about a protest against the Vietnam war, but I'm taking these words out of context. I think John Lennon is talking about any war. A war with yourself, a war against a disease, a physical war. But any war can be over if you want it to be. We just have to give it to God. My war is over. My dad just said something really inspiring. "You've declared victory" and he's so right! My God is bigger than any old IC or any disease! 

Merry Christmas everyone! I'll see you 2014!

Tis the Season

Yesterday was just an amazing day at church. One of the things that happened was "The Decorating of the Christmas Tree" ceremony. What happens during this each family comes up and gets an ornament and puts it on the Christmas tree. To me this symbolizes the coming together of many family to make one big family and that's what we are. We are family. And the most amazing part is we're part of a bigger FAMILY. God's family!

Into our singing of praise to God, Mr. George Darling said something powerful. He said that today's society use forms of the word awe too much. Like the word awesome. The definition of awe is "a strong feeling of fear or respect and also wonder"  There is a song called "I Stand in Awe" The words are very beautiful. 
"You are beautiful beyond description. Too marvelous for words. Too wonderful for comprehension. Like nothing ever seen or heard. Who can grasp Your infinite wisdom? Who can fathom the depths of Your love? You are beautiful beyond description. Majesty enthroned above. And I stand I stand in awe of You. I stand I stand in awe of You. Holy God to whom all praise is due. I stand in awe of You" 

You can't say the words about anyone or anything else. I had a bf back in high school and one of the reasons he really caught my attention was one night we were at his church and he said "You shouldn't say the word "Awesome" unless you are talking about God." These words have stuck with me since then. Now I'm just as guilty as anyone else but this song really made me think. 

Then our Communion was great too. David Waters talked about sacrifices. He said that everyone has had to make a sacrifice. Some may have had someone or something taken away. I immediately thought about myself. ( HOW selfish, right) Then he talked about what he and his wife went through losing babies. Then he talked about how God gave his only son to save us. How many of us could do that? I know I wouldn't be able to. David gave us time to talk to God ourselves and I just prayed to God thanking him for my disease. Because of my disease it has brought me back closer to Him. I think it was all part of God's plan to get me back to Him.

Next, was the sermon. Sid asked a few people what was their most memorable Christmas gift and why. This young boy, named Erik, came up and said his most memorable was a bicycle. Then Mrs. Monroe came up and told her story about how she didn't get the bike she wanted. But later her parents gave her beat up, old, ugly bicycle. The next part Mrs. Monroe said was "We are NOT victims, but we are survivors." God just kept sending little blessings my way yesterday. Do you know how bad I needed to hear this. So many times I have played the "victim card".
OH poor pitiful me. But I need to embrace the fact that I'm still here. I'm a survivor! 

Finally, we need to remember the real reason for Christmas. "Jesus is the reason for the season."
I want to share some lyrics from the song I sang at church last night. It's called "What Child is This?" by Carried Underwood. 
"The King of Kings salvation brings. Let loving hearts enthrone Him. Raise, Raise the Son on high. The virgin sings her lullaby. Joy, Joy for Christ is born The Babe, the Son of Mary"
Back to what David said God sacrificed his ONLY son to bring us salvation! I serve an AWESOME God, who loves me unconditionally! 

I Believe I Can FLY

This post is about two songs. The first song, I think we all know. It's called "I Believe I Can Fly" I'm just going to post the whole song lyrics because this song is just that powerful!


                                                    "I Believe I Can Fly"

I used to think that I could not go on
And life was nothing but an awful song
But now I know the meaning of true love
I'm leaning on the everlasting arms

If I can see it, then I can do it
If I just believe it, there's nothing to it

[Chorus:]
I believe I can fly
I believe I can touch the sky
I think about it every night and day
Spread my wings and fly away
I believe I can soar
I see me running through that open door
I believe I can fly
I believe I can fly
I believe I can fly

See I was on the verge of breaking down
Sometimes silence can seem so loud
There are miracles in life I must achieve
But first I know it starts inside of me, oh

If I can see it, then I can be it
If I just believe it, there's nothing to it

[Chorus]

Hey, cause I believe in me, oh

If I can see it, then I can do it (I can do it)
If I just believe it, there's nothing to it

[Chorus]

Hey, if I just spread my wings
I can fly
I can fly
I can fly, hey
If I just spread my wings
I can fly-eye-eye-eye
Hum, fly-eye-eye

This song is me in so many ways! I used to think I could not go on. Last night I thought that, when I was referred to Pain Management. I felt like my doctor was giving up on me. But again my friend Morgan come through and told me she thought the same thing but that's not it at all. He is just trying to get my pain under control. I obviously need to be on Pain meds to keep my pain under control. I guess I felt like my body was giving up. Giving up on my dreams. Cause I can't function that well on Pain medicine. I have to rely on my parents for everything. And I'm going back to school. But I'm going to give it my all! And I thought life was an awful song. My life has been pure hell the past two years. From all this pain to being called a drug addict. From losing my job to applying for disability. "But now I know the meaning of true love I'm leaning on the everlasting arms" God LOVES me so much and I'm giving all my sickness, problems and stress to him! I'm leaning on him and you know what? HE WANTS ME TO!

I wasn't on the verge of a break down... I DID break down. And when I was alone was the worst thing for me. But now I'm going everyday and hanging out with people. Just keeping myself busy. Y'all now I believe I can FLY! I just have to believe it!

The next song is called Fly by Nicki Minaj and Rhianna. I love Rhianna's plart in this song and that's what I want to share. 

" I came to win, to fight, to conquer, to thrive. I came to win, to survive, to prosper, to rise. To fly. To Fly" 

Like I said I absolutely love this part. Cause this is how I'm starting to live my life with IC. I WILL win, conquer, fight, thrive, survive, prosper, rise and to FLY! I WILL BEAT THIS!!

Here's the links:

I Believe I Can Fly

Fly

Glee Mash up of both songs

update!

I just realized I haven't actually updated on my condition since July. Oh so much has happened. First of all, I have met the greatest doctor in the UNIVERSE! He is a true gift from God. I met him in August on a Thursday and that following Monday he did surgery. In this surgery he did an appendectomy, endometriosis removal, pelvic floor injection, uterus uplift, stretching of the bladder, and packed the bladder medicines different from the last time I had this done. I stayed in the hospital over night. This surgery most definitely cure me but in the end it made me better. After all the UTI's I had after the surgery, I finally got better.

I went a month with no pain. A month without any pain meds and then I started hurting again. And my depression got worse. Now I've just finished a program to help me with my depression and it worked. And I'm waiting on a referral to another pain clinic in Huntsville. I'm doing bladder treatments every week. And tomorrow I start seeing a nutritionist. Can't wait to start eating right!

I Hope You Dance

Okay, another music therapy! But this one is just one song. I heard the song, "I Hope You Dance" on my way home from Wendy's. When I hear this song my first instinct is to change it. You may ask "Why, Kayla? It's such an inspiring song." I thought that too. My senior year of high school I volunteered to sing this song at our annual National Honor Society induction ceremony. I was nervous so my start was rough. I was made fun of for singing that day and up to two years later. So, you can understand why I changed the channel every time I heard it. But tonight I had the urge to listen to it. I want to share the lyrics and then talk about them

                                                           "I Hope You Dance"

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder,
You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger,
May you never take one single breath for granted, 

GOD forbid love ever leave you empty handed,
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.

I hope you dance....I hope you dance.

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance,
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Livin' might mean takin' chances but they're worth takin',
Lovin' might be a mistake but it's worth makin',

Don't let some hell bent heart leave you bitter,

When you come close to sellin' out reconsider,
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.

I hope you dance....I hope you dance.
I hope you dance....I hope you dance.
(Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along,
Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder where those years have gone.)

I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance, 
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance. 

Dance....I hope you dance. 
I hope you dance....I hope you dance. 
I hope you dance....I hope you dance.. 
(Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along 
Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder where those years have gone)

• "May you never take one single breath for granted" I have really thought about this lately. We're not guaranteed tomorrow. So live each moment like it's your last. 
• "Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens," Just because one door closes doesn't mean that a better one isn't opened somewhere. 
• "Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance" Have faith! Never lose your faith
• "I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance" Mountains are struggles. My mountains are my IC, Endometriosis, depression, anxiety, and pain.I shouldn't fear them. Everyone has different mountains they face. But the good news is you never have to face them alone. 
• "When you come close to sellin' out reconsider" This one is a big one for me. So many times I have wanted to throw the towel in and say I quit. I was going to ask my doctor to do a hysterectomy for my endometriosis. That way it would be one less "mountain" I had to deal with. But my friend, Morgan, talked me out of it. She had gone through the same thing I did with the endo. She begged her doctor to do a hysterectomy and he would say "let's hold off'". Then finally one day he agreed to it and they scheduled her surgery and she backed down. She told me if she had thrown in the towel and quit then she wouldn't be giving a 100%. This stuck with me and I decided not to ask my doctor to do one. 
• "And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance. I hope you dance....I hope you dance." Take chances. Live life to the fullest and DANCE! 

That's all I have for tonight. Take care everyone! And thank you for your support!

Let It Be

You might read the title of this post and think "Oh no, the Beatles freak is writing a post about a Beatles song" Well you my friend are wrong! Ha! I will tie it in though. 

Today we talked about letting it be. When something bad happens, sometimes there is NOTHING you can do about it so you just have to let it be. "And when the night is cloudy there is still a light that shines on me Shine until tomorrow, let it be" That light to me is God! 

When something bad happens to you, God is not surprised. That event was all apart of his blue print for your life. So if God is not surprised, neither should you. You should just let it be. 

I know this post is short but that's all I have today! Please remember me in your prayers. I'm having a bad flare but thankfully I got to see my doctor. Thank God, Alex Childs genuinely cares about his patients. I hope you all have a great and blessed night or day depending on when you read this! And as always Thank you for your support! Praying for a cure! 

Of course I have a link to Let It Be

Acceptance

Two years ago, my life changed. It drastically changed for the worse. I was forced to give up my young adulthood years. The years that are supposed to be some of the best years of your life. The years that you meet new friends and possibly the love of your life. The years that are supposed to set you up for success or failure. The years you decided what you want to do for the rest of your life. I should be out right now, having the time of my life instead of posting this. I should be angry. I should be mad because my life was stolen from me. But today in my group, I learned about acceptance. When you have some kind of problem thrown in your face you can either choose to throw a tantrum, be mad about and allow it to ruin your life or you can accept it. Today, I have chosen to accept my disease. I have chosen to live with this disease and try my best along with the help of my doctors to defeat it. Today was a rough day. I was in so much pain and just wanted to give up but I made it to group and I finished out the day and I was able to get an appointment with my specialist( Dr. Childs) and he was able to give me some relief. I got four steroid injections and got an instillment. And he also gave me some medicine to help with pain. I also have been referred to a urologist to help with my care. By no means is he giving up on me. He is just open to suggestions. It's hard to believe I've been struggling with this for two years now. When I was first diagnosed, I was so mad. Why ME? Why this group of diseases? Why NOW? I was so frustrated. But now I know God chose me for a reason. I just don't know what that reason is yet. Maybe it was to bring me closer to Him. Whatever the reason is, He knows I'm strong enough for it. I've accepted that I have these diseases. I have accepted I have a problem with depression and anxiety. I have accepted that I will never be normal again (not that I was normal to begin with). I have accepted that I will probably never be able to drink another Dr. Pepper( I had to give those up again). I have accepted that I will have bad days but I also know that if I work hard for it, the good days will OUTWEIGH the bad days. I can't be down about the past and I can't worry about the future. I need to live one moment at a time.

That's all I have for tonight. I hope everyone has a good night or day whenever you read this. Thank you for your continued support!