Friday, November 29, 2013

Music Therapy III

So I'm in a bad flare right now and listening to my IC Therapy playlist but I have found some new songs to help me get through flares or even my depression and anxiety. This Post will probably be written over several days so hang with me me if things don't add up. Like I said I'm in a bad flare. 

The first song is called "Firework" by Katy Perry.  This song helps you feel a sense of worth. "You don't have to feel like a waste of space You're original, cannot be replaced If you only knew what the future holds After a hurricane comes a rainbow Maybe you're reason why all the doors are closed So you could open one that leads you to the perfect road Like a lightning bolt, your heart will glow And when it's time, you'll know You just gotta ignite the light and let it shine Just own the night like the 4th of July Cause baby you're a firework Come on, show 'em
what you're worth Make 'em go, oh, oh, oh As you shoot across the sky" Good things tend to follow the bad. I just gotta show people that I believe that I am worth something. I am worthy to live another day. I can NOT be replaced. There is only ONE Kayla Nicole Vaughn with my DNA. I will make it through this rut. Listen to Firework .

The next song is called "Part of Me" by Katy Perry (I'm on a Katy Perry "kick" right now).
I just absolutely love this song. The video suggests its about a girl who stands up to her bf and decides he's not going to rule her life anymore. Well IC, depression, anxiety, and endometriosis are NOT going to rule my life anymore. "You took my light You drained me down But that was then And this is now Now look at me! This is the part of me That you're never gonna ever take away from me, no This is the part of me That you're never gonna ever take away from me, no Throw your sticks and stones, Throw your bombs and blows, But you're not gonna break my soul." IC has drained me emotionally and physically and it took my light, but you know what? I got that light back "I just want to throw my phone away. Find out who is really there for me" There have been so many times I wanted to do this. My disease has shown me that I had some fake friends but I also found out who my true friends are. True friends are rare to find these days. 

The next song is "Perfect" by Pink. This is a wonderful song for anyone going through depression. Just want to share some lyrics that really speak to me.
 "Made a wrong turn Once or twice Dug my way out Blood and fire Bad decisions That's alright Welcome to my silly life Mistreated ,Misplaced, Misunderstood, Miss no way it's all good It didn't slow me down. Mistaken Always second guessing Underestimated Look I'm still around" 
We all have made wrong choices in life. We have all made mistakes. We've all been done wrong but we have to keep out heads up. 
"You're so mean When you talk About yourself, you were wrong Change the voices in your head
Make them like you instead" 
We have judge ourselves more than anyone else. I have caught myself calling myself an idiot. I don't deserve that. I not only need to treat others with respect but I need to treat myself with respect too. 
"Pretty, pretty please Don't you ever, ever feel Like you're less than Less than perfect Pretty, pretty please If you ever, ever feel Like you're nothing
Less than perfect"
 I LOVE that chorus. I am perfect in my own little way. God made me this way and God doesn't make mistakes so therefore I am perfect. 

Speaking of  God not making mistakes, the next song is "Born This Way" by Lady Gaga. I don't agree with a lot of this song talks about but some of the lyrics I absolutely love.
 "There's nothin' wrong with lovin' who you are She said, 'cause He made you perfect, babe So hold your head up, girl and you'll go far Listen to me when I say I'm beautiful in my way 'Cause God makes no mistakes I'm on the right track, baby I was born this way Don't hide yourself in regret Just love yourself and you're set I'm on the right track, baby I was born this way, born this way" I was born to have this sickness. God knew I could handle it. There is a saying that goes something like " God will never give you more than you can handle"
 God knows I can handle this. Also I have to learn to love myself because I was born this way and I can't change it. 

The next song is called " I Need You to Love Me" by Barlowgirl. I just want to share all the lyrics to this song and that's all.
 "Why, why are you still here with me? Didn't You see what I've done?
In my shame I want to run and hide myself. But it's here I see the truth. I don't deserve You. But I need You to love me, and I, I won't keep my heart from you this time. And I'll stop this pretending that I can somehow deserve what I already have. I need You to love me. I, I have wasted so much time pushing You away from me. I just never saw how You could cherish me, Cause You're a God who has all things and still You want me.  Your love makes me forget what I have been. You're love makes me see who I really am. Your love makes me forget what I have been. And I need You to love me, and I, I won't keep my heart from You this time. And I'll stop this pretending that I can somehow deserve what I already have. I need you to love me."

That's all for this session of Music Therapy. Hope everyone has a good night! 

Sunday, November 24, 2013

Music Therapy Part II

It's been a while since I have posted anything. So I'm going to try to get back into the loop again on doing this. Today I want to do another music therapy. I did a music therapy class and came out with some very good songs. Then, I also have some that I found on my own.

The first song is called "I Gotta Believe" I've been having a difficult time with depression and after hearing this song, I now know I can't do anything without God. Just wanted to share some lyrics from the song.
"Seems that when I face one thing, another one comes Clouding up my vision, but I can feel the sun. I believe that I can do this; I know that I can win Just as long as I have His love within. I believe I can make it, I can make it though the night. I believe that I can walk on, with my head held high. I believe I am special in every way. But in order to have my victory-I gotta believe. I have to see myself at the finish line."
Powerful words and the music is just as powerful. I can make it through my depression and I can make it through my diseases. I just have to believe that I will see myself at that finish line when there comes a cure.
Here's the link to that song:  I Gotta Believe- Yolanda Adams

The next song is called "Words" by Heirline. This song is the opposite of  "Sticks and stones can break my bones but words will never hurt me" I think that is the most false statement ever made. I have been hurt many times by words. This is the chorus to the song. "Words Oh their power is real. They can hurt or heal. Can't be touched but you can feel. Words. There is strength in every one. And when all is said and done, Wars are lost and battles won with words"
Words are the most powerful weapon a person can have. The bible tells us to tame our tongues. I had found an acronym that goes along great with this song. Before you say something to someone you need to use this acronym!
T- Is it True?
H- Is it Helpful?
I- Is it Inspiring?
N- Is it Necessary?
K- Is it Kind?

Like I said I've been hurt many times by words. People tell me all the time that the only reason I am sick is because I used to eat Mexican Food so much. It's true that it didn't help my condition. But it did NOT cause my IC. I had no way of knowing that's what I had until I had my surgery. Plus this disease is hereditary. It runs on my dad's side of the family. Another time words hurt me was when I was in the ER one night. The doctor said that I came to the ER for the same thing way too much. I know this doctor and when he says something like to frequent flyers he is implying they are drug addicts just looking for a fix. So when he came back in my room to tell me I had a UTI. I told him I did not appreciate him treating me like a drug addict. I said that if I knew anything else to do besides go to the ER for my pain then I wouldn't be there. I told him yes I come for the same thing every time but it's because I have a chronic condition and I needed help to get rid of pain. He apologized to me and gave me some pain medicine to help with pain.
So words can hurt worse than sticks and stones. I couldn't find a good version of the song. But I'll go ahead and post this version: Words by Heirline

The next song is "Stronger" by Kelly Clarkson. "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" My IC hasn't killed me. And I'm not going to let it kill me. I will be alive when they come up with a cure. "You think you got the best of me, Think you had the last laugh. Bet you think that everything good is gone. Think you left me broken down"  IC WILL NOT WIN THIS! I'm gonna stand a little taller because of this. This is a motivating song. Here's a link to the song: Stronger- Kelly Clarkson

The next song is called "Angel" by Sarah McLachlan. This song is so beautiful. I'm sure everyone has heard it. When I first read the lyrics, I felt like the song was about suicide and couldn't believe we were listening to it in our therapy. But then I read it in a positive way. I just want to share some lyrics from this song. Lyrics that really describe what I'm going through right now.
"Spend all you time waiting for that second chance, For a break that would make it okay. There's always some reason to not feel good enough and it's hard at the end of the day. I need some distractions."  Since I was put on Birth Control this has been me. I have feel like I'm a failure at life, that I will never find the man of my dreams, that I will never hold my newborn baby in my arms. And for me, it is so hard at the end of the day. I usually end up crying about something. But I'm "in the arms of the angel" so there is no need for me to feel down about my life. I am in God's arms and I'll never be alone. You can listen to this beautiful song by clicking on this link: Angel - Sarah Mclachlan

Next song is "Roar" by Katy Perry. I absolutely LOVE this song!
This is my theme song right now.
"I guess that I forgot I had a choice I let you push me past the breaking point I stood for nothing, so I fell for everything You held me down, but I got up Already brushing off the dust You hear my voice, your hear that sound Like thunder, gonna shake the ground You held me down, but I got up Get ready 'cause I had enough I see it all, I see it now"

I'm not gonna let IC beat me because "I got the eye of the tiger, the fire
Dancing through the fire
'Cause I am a champion, and you're gonna hear me roar
Louder, louder than a lion
'Cause I am a champion, and you're gonna hear me roar!"

Another song is called "Warrior" by Demi Lovato. I want to share some lyrics and explain how they fit what I'm going through. This song is obviously about a break up, but like I've said before, I am trying my best to break up with IC!

 "I need to take back the light inside you stole" I lost a lot of light inside of me when I got sick. I lost a ton of friends.
"You're a criminal And you steal like you're a pro" IC stole my life away from me and I'm trying to get my life back. I should be out having the time of my life. Not worrying if I'm going to have a flare today or how bad my nausea will be.
"All the pain and the truth I wear like a battle wound So ashamed, so confused I was broken and bruised" I have scars physically and emotionally from fighting this disease for two years now. But...
"Now I'm a warrior Now I've got thicker skin I'm a warrior I'm stronger than I've ever been And my armor, is made of steel, you can't get in I'm a warrior And you can never hurt me again"
I'm not going to let this IC defeat me. And I'm not going to let my depression defeat me either. The only person that can make me happy is myself. And I'm going to make myself happy!
You can listen to this song by clicking this link: Warrior by Demi Lovato

The next song is called "Here Comes the Sun" by the Beatles. It's one of my favorite Beatles songs. So beautiful. Here are some of the lyrics.
"Here comes the sun, here comes the sun And I say it's all right"
I am going to get the light back in my life. I will defeat it one day. I just have to keep telling myself that.
"Little darling, it's been a long cold lonely winter Little darling, it feels like years since it's been here Here comes the sun, here comes the sun And I say it's all right" IC is like a winter for someone who doesn't like the cold. Because it can make you a cold, bitter person if you're not careful. I know I wouldn't get out of bed. I slept so much because when I sleep I'm not in pain. But the sun came out for a few weeks and I was able to enjoy it.
"Little darling, the smiles returning to the faces Little darling, it seems like years since it's been here
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun And I say it's all right"
When I was in remission those few weeks, I had a genuine smile on my face. I didn't fake it at all. I was so happy to be pain free for once. I am hopeful that people will see that smile again. And I'm praying that it's soon. There are two versions of this song I would like to share with you. The first one is of course The Beatles version and the other one is The Glee version

The last song I have tonight is "Let it Be" by the Beatles. I'm not Catholic so I don't do the whole mother Mary thing like the Beatles. But I do believe God. So when I listen to this song I think of God. "When I find myself in times of trouble Mother Mary comes to me Speaking words of wisdom, let it be And in my hour of darkness She is standing right in front of me Speaking words of wisdom, let it be Let it be, let it be Let it be, let it be Whisper words of wisdom, let it be"
When I'm in trouble I need to go to God in prayer and ask for his help and he will always be there and when I'm in the dark He will be my light. Jesus said it best "While I am in the world, I am the light of the world." And I just need to learn to let it be.

Here's link to Let It Be

Well that's all for tonight. I'll have some more at a later date. Good night everyone!