I should be asleep since I have to work twelve hours tonight, but for some reason I can't sleep even after the HORRIBLE night I had. I guess I celebrated my good day a little too much, but I sure did have fun. I went to bed with a terrible migraine and woke up several times during the night with it. Then I had terrible nausea this morning. I took a fourth of a Phenergan around 7:30 and that usually makes me pass out but I'm still awake. So here I am writing another post.
I have experienced so many emotions since I started to get sick. Sometimes I have so much anger that I just sit and cry. Sometimes I am so sad that I sit and cry. Other times I am so happy that I cry. Regardless, I cry frequently. Here lately I've had a lot of anger. I'm so angry with my urologist at UAB. I feel like I don't have a doctor. I've waited a month so far and with 13 more days to go to see my new doctor that my UAB urologist referred me to. I don't have a problem with the waiting. I have a problem with waiting and my doctor not doing anything to treat my IC while I wait. If you don't treat something it just gets worse, and I can tell that I have gotten worse. Blood is being found in my urine now and that's not good. That means my bladder is so inflamed it's bleeding. And my urologist wants to do nothing about it. I feel like they think I'm faking everything. Believe me, my tears are REAL. Some people have asked me if they can just put me in the hospital to help me get better. Sometimes I wish the answer was yes. Maybe then people would take my invisible illness more serious. But you have to meet a certain level to be put in the hospital and since all of my lab work comes back normal, I never meet that criteria. I know there are other IC patients who are much worse than me and I don't see how they do it.
Today is Self-Injury Awareness day. Please pray for those IC patients who have had a hard time dealing with the terrible disease and have hurt themselves. I know what they are going through. And I can tell you that it would be easy for someone to hurt themselves. You get so depressed and you don't feel like things are ever going to get better. You feel like you will never find a doctor who will be able to help you. It gets depressing living like this everyday. For me, just seeing someone eat or drink something I can't have gets me depressed. These sufferers are going through a lot. Self-injury isn't just cutting yourself. These people can get addicted to pain medicine cause they feel that's the only way they will be able to function. That is self injury. The ultimate self injury is taking your own life. Please pray for those struggling that they will realize things will get better one day! Please pray for us to be strong! That we will be able to give all of our pain and worries to God and trust that he will take care of us.
I know this is an IC based blog but also take time to pray for everyone who is struggling with self injury. Pray that God will give them the strength to believe they are special. We are all special in our own ways. I pray these people will feel some worth.